I remember during a particularly low time of my life as an artist, around my late 20’s, putting a post out to a social media art group:
”Do you make your living as an artist? If so, how do you do it?”
The thread of replies grew quickly. Most of the artists did not, in fact, make their living off their art. Several made fun of me for even asking. And those who were able to make art without financial concern seemed to come from generational wealth, or had the support of a spouse with a lucrative job.
At this particular moment of my life, it was soul-crushing to read the vast consensus on the thread. It felt like confirmation of the despair I was meeting in my pursuit of success as an artist.
I sat with my head in my hands, crying for hours.
I know I’m meant to do this. But how?
Since I’d come into this world, the single golden thread of fate that had always seemed to tug me forward on my life’s path was The Art.
I’d known my whole life that my life purpose was to create visions, and to pour my entire heart and soul into doing exactly that.
But what happens when the world isn’t set up to support people like me?
What happens when all I find on my path as an artist is a wilderness of “No”?
This wasn’t the first discouragement I’d received on my path as an artist. I’d worked hard in art school to land a studio job in the film industry, and that plan hadn’t worked out. I’d then tried to continue the creation of my personal visions on the side of a full-time job.. and that had sucked away the energy for creating my visions. Now, at this time in my life, I’d relocated to Colorado.. and was trying once again to follow the path of magic towards making my art my central life purpose.
And it wasn’t working out.
It wasn’t working out for a lot of reasons. But, looking back, I see one of the central reasons was that I was holding on to a delusion of “being discovered” by the right patron, and then supported.
I’d put the locus of power outside of myself, and was subconsciously waiting for somebody else to do the work of success for me.
And I mean, hey. Some artists do find patronage.
But I wasn’t one.
And, no matter how good my art was.. it wasn’t going to blossom to the extent that I knew it could without some kind of support.
What I wasn’t fully aware of at that time, was that I needed to become that support for myself.
I needed to learn that for an artist to make their way through a wilderness of “No”, they have to pick up their tools, and carve their “Yes” through an unforgiving landscape.
One step at a time.
And that success didn’t come to me overnight.
What it ended up looking like is a decade of ups and downs. Making beautiful things, getting a little success and recognition, and then being overwhelmed by life’s realities again.
But the thing is, I didn’t give up.
Through baby steps and struggle, I became the support I’d been looking for outside of myself.
I learned to work for skills I didn’t have. And I started putting forth the effort to not only make art, but improve lots of other things. Marketing skills. Business skills. I had thought I was working hard before.. but I started working at a higher standard. Looking at those nooks and crannies in my life where I’d waste time, or watch TV.. and instead, choosing to work on my visions. I also experimented across a vast amount of ways for artists to profit. I picked up freelance illustration jobs. I took gigs. I collaborated with other creatives. I looked for and applied for open calls. And, yes.. there still was a lot of No. There still was a lot of failures. There still was a lot of “the hard way”. And, I kept a part-time gig as a massage therapist going, in order to keep (even a bare minimum) amount of support while I was continuing to try to keep as much time open as I could for my main driving passion.
But the main point is that I kept the flame of the vision burning, and kept working on it no matter how discouraged I was.
And, beautiful things happened along the way.
The fact is, I did find that patronage and support I had been dreaming of. I just didn’t find it the way I thought I would.
I found it through sharing vulnerably and honestly of my heart through my art and words to a community I nurtured and built, and in return.. they supported me with displays of generosity far beyond what I ever expected.
As it turns out, over time.. the “No” was having a path carved through it by the will-power of my “Yes”.
And people were getting on board with that vision.
That was “Yes” blossoming in a way that I had never fully calculated into my idea of what success looked like, but I’ve since realized that it’s some of the most fulfilling success. The kind that truly connects with the hearts of individuals and the struggles of their life journeys, and helps them find meaning and purpose within themselves along the way.
And now, because of finding my “Yes” through nourishing community connections, hard work, and perseverance.. I now make a substantive chunk of my living off my art.
I still have my ups and downs. I still struggle in life. I have sacrificed a lot for this path. And I’ll sit down with any young artist who’s trying to support themselves - even in part - on their art.. and be completely honest about the struggle.
But it’s a struggle I want.
Realizing visions in a world that can’t see is one of the hardest things a person can do.
It’s a form of pioneering. And pioneering through the unknown is work that visionaries are made for, if they can keep the flame of their drive alive along the way.
I look at the impossibility of my life.. of how I’ve somehow found a way to keep doing the thing that I’m meant to be doing against all odds.
And I know that you can too.
Keep going.